Combining blogs

I've currently had two blogs going on. This one, which I have used as a way to vent frustrations, express pride and joy in my family, and update loved ones. My other blog Earthmama's Adventures in Green Living, I wrote about my attempts to live a more environmentally conscious life. After months of trying to separate these two parts of my life out, I've found I do not have the energy to keep both up. But I still want to write about all aspects of my life. So I have decided to combine my blogs into just this one. My original reason for starting this blog was to provide a space for me to write about what I was doing; to share ideas, questions, etc. I started the second blog because I was feeling that my family was becoming an intimidating audience. While this has not changed, I feel that I can suck it up and stop caring so much what they think about what I write. I'm only writing one blog. I have no energy to keep my life separated into boxes (or in this case different blogs).


If you would like to see previous posts on Earthmama's Adventures in Green Living feel free to visit. I'll leave it up for awhile. Just won't be posting.

Updates on Life

The past month has been very crazy around here. Early March I came down with a sinus infection. Of course I just thought it was a cold. So not wanting to go to the doctor for a cold I went around being miserable for a week. Mark even had to stay home a few days so I could sleep b/c I could hardly function. Finally after losing my voice, I went to the doctor and got meds. Just as I started to feel better I had to switch into gear to get ready for Pennsylvania. I think by the time I was feeling better I had about a week to prepare for our trip. Just this past weekend we flew to PA to celebrate Mark's grandfather's 90th Birthday. I'm very glad we all decided to go. At first Mark was going to fly up himself. But as we checked out prices we realized that while it would hurt our savings alittle, it would be worth it for all of us to go. And really we got tickets for a decent price considering the prices of flying lately. I think it was somewhere around $650 for three tickets. Cai is free! It was a good weekend. Full of family. Unfortunately our fight up there was not so fun. Our flight from Wichita to Atlanta was suppose to leave at 12:50pm. But do to weather in Atlanta the flight was canceled and we were re-booked for a 5:20pm flight. We decided to just stay in the airport b/c everything was already in. I had packed lunch. There is a very nice display of furniture called Stressless right there at the check in. So we hung out there for several hours before going through security and to our gate. Oh the 5:20 flight got delayed until 6:20pm. So we still ended up hanging out at the gate for several hours as well. Luckily, Ian thought watching the airplanes taxi in and out was very cool. So really the kids did great. We got into Atlanta at about 9:20pm and our flight to Philly was at 10 something. But that flight was delayed so I think we left Atlanta alittle after 11pm and got into Philly around 1am. Both kids slept on that flight. And Ian didn't wake up until we walked out to the parking lot. We got to the guest house we were staying at near Mark's grandfather's around 2am. It was a long day. But like I said the kids were great. So Friday and Saturday we were with my father-in-law's family celebrating. Then Saturday we drove to Bethlehem, PA to see my mother-in-law's mother. Her siblings came down from Maine to visit during our time there (Sun-Tues). So we saw alot of family. It was nice. Mark doesn't get to see his expanded family much since they all live on the east coast. And I really haven't gotten to spend much time with them. So it was nice to see everyone and get to know people alittle more. It was stress. I won't lie. I'm so introverted that 6 days of constant people is very tiring. But I am glad we went. Ian loved playing with his cousin. And it was good to see Mark's folks and siblings. I really do love his family.

So the other thing that has been stressful this month has been applying to Associated Mennonite Biblical Seminary. I send in my application early in the month. But then I had the scholarship application to fill out. I'm applying for a full tuition scholarship. And the application included a 5 to 10 page essay on "The Church." And that was my only direction. It took me awhile to get started. Such a big topic, I wasn't sure what to say. But once I started I found it quite easy to complete. I focused on why I stay within the church despite my frustrations with her. I talked about the community I find there, the love and support the church has give me. I've been reading Shane Claiborne's Irresistible Revolution with some friends from my church. Claiborne says this, "We are the church. If she were perfect, we'd mess her up as soon as we joined. So may we have some grace, even with those Christians and pastors who make us nauseated and put us to sleep. After all, they have given us enough of the story that we have been able to stumble into God and community." This sorta became the thesis of my paper. So other than just the overwhelming task of writing an essay for such a big scholarship, the essay and financial app were due yesterday. I had wanted to have them sent off Last Thurs before we left. However, trying to get everything done something had to get dropped. So I took everything along to finish on the road. Friday when I pull the computer out to do what I was hoping would be my final read over and editing, I found that I had forgotten the usb drive I had saved it to in the computer at home :( Luckily for me I had writing the first draft on google docs and thus had it online. But I had lost two pages of additional content and all the editing I had done. So I spent Friday and Sunday working on it. Monday Mark and I filled out the financial app, which took time because it asks you to estimate your budget for the year so they better determine your financial need. I'm so grateful to my mother-in-law who took it to AMBS. She is the librarian there and had a meeting yesterday she needed to be at anyway. When I got home Tues I had an email in my box from the Admissions office letting me know they had received all the paper work from my entrance application (they had been waiting on references). At the bottom there was an extra note encouraging me write the scholarship essay based on my references. I'm hoping this means I have a better shot at the scholarship than I originally thought :) There was also a note saying I could e-mail everything. If only I had know that days prior to all this. So I emailed my paperwork just to be safe. Everything is in. So now I just have to wait till May to see if I get awarded the scholarship. Job prospects for Mark are still pretty slim. Unemployment in Elkart Co is really, really high. The economy there is in very bad shape. But if I were to get a full tuition scholarship we might be able to live off Federal grants and loans till Mark gets a job. We'll have to talk more about that once we know more. For those that don't know, if Mark doesn't get a job before the fall semester the plan has been to stay in Newton. AMBS has an extension site in town where I could take some evening classes. Then once he gets a job we'll move to the Goshen/ Elkart area. So we're still in the wait and see part. Of the joys of living in limbo.

The boys are doing well. I'm only going to give a short update b/c this post is getting long. Cai is crawling now. Mostly he does an army type crawl with just his arms and toes. But he wants so much to crawl on his hands and knees. And he is, he just isn't very fast yet and this frustrates him. Ian is becoming more assertive in places he is comfortable in. I think he is sorta introverted because he can be very shy and sorta hold back and watch when he doesn't feel completely comfortable somewhere. It is nice to see him be more assertive even if only in certain settings. He loves to sing and will randomly break out into song, even singing to Cai when Cai is upset. It is very cute. And today he started improvising the words to a song. Cai pulled down his hat over his eyes and Ian started to sing about that. I am constantly amazed at the inter workings of that boys mind. Ok enough for now. I'll try to be better about posting more often so I can avoid such long winded posts. :)

Lent and the Sabbath

As many of you know, this last Wednesday was Ash Wednesday, marking the beginning of the Lent season. Growing up, Lent felt like an important part of the church calendar. It was a big deal to go to Ash Wednesday service. And an even bigger deal to talk about what thing we were going to give up or take on during Lent. As a kid and even as a teenager I often opted to give up something. Usually this involved something I loved like candy, Dr. Pepper, soda entirely, or the big one, chocolate. For those of you who may not be familiar with the tradition of giving something up or taking something on, it is a practice that is to help us refocus ourselves towards God. We give up something in order to have more time or room in our lives for God. Or we take something on that would bring us closer to God. In the past several years this practice has slipped away from me. While I still see Lent as an important part of preparing for Easter, I have often observed Ash Wednesday and than almost checked out until Holy Week.

This year I missed our Ash Wednesday service. Cai had a fever and I didn't want to take him to church and expose him to other kids. Turns out the fever was caused by teething, but it was still probably better to be safe. By the way, Cai now has one tooth. The front bottom right (his right). It may seem silly but missing Ash Wednesday makes me feel disoriented. So this week I felt like I should be doing something to help focus in on the Lent season, I just didn't know what. Today's worship service and sermon really hit me and has allowed me to focus in on how I might observe Lent this year. Our pastor's sermon was on practicing and observing the Sabbath. He talked about how in our culture other than attending church, Sunday does not look much different than Saturday. As he spoke I began to wonder what observing the Sabbath would look like in a world that is so busy. For me I can't imgine not working/doing things for a whole day. It feels like there is always something more to be done. So I wondered if maybe in our society a day of rest is not the answer. But rather moments of rest, little Sabbaths. And I wondered what that would look like. Than it hit me. This is what I could do this Lent. I could find a way to observe little Sabbaths.

My first thought was to not use the computer on Sunday. Well as I had all these ideas in my head and wanted to blog about them that didn't seem like it would work. Plus there is the fact that everyone is asleep and I want this time to goof off online. Sad? Maybe. My next idea was that I would pick a day of the week to say no computer. So this is what I'm going to do. For this Lent season on Monday and Friday I'm going to turn off the computer. I would turn it off the night before, but Mark runs updates at night and gets very upset if I turn off the computer. So first thing in the morning I will turn it off. And then leave it off all day. The trick will be to not be tempted to sit down in the evenings when Mark gets home and most likely turns it back on. :) I figure not having it on will mean I have time to do other things. I won't have my e-mail and discussion boards taking my attention and energy. The other thing I want to try to do is one night a week sit down and play a game or create art with Ian before bedtime. So often I'm caught up in cleaning up from lunch that I brush off his pleas to play. Then by the time I'm done it's time for bed. My hope is one night a week I can put off the clean up till after bedtime. That way he gets more of my attention and hopefully we can get Mark in on it too and we can all enjoy each other. These may seem like small things. And I know that they may not seem like a Sabbath. But my hope is that by doing these small things I will indeed create a sense of rest for that time and place. I hope you too can find ways to observe even small moments of rest in your lives this Lent season.

Lessons in Sharing

As I mentioned in a previous post, Cai is rolling across the room. Well this, of course, means he is getting into all sorts of new things around the house. One of which is his brother's toys that are left on the floor. Now Ian is pretty good at sharing his toys with other kids his age. When we host music group or have his friends over for other occasions he is usually very good about asking to trade if someone is playing with a toy he wants or taking turns. But with Cai it is the end of the whole if Cai even attempts to grab one of his toys. Even toys that are safe for Cai to play/chew on Ian gets irate. Yelling "No, Cai! No chew on that!" I think I brought this on myself. For the last 6 months, I've been telling Ian that Cai is too little to play with many of his toys. But of course now that he is older some of them are perfectly safe. So I think Ian is trying to both save his toys and his brother. I wonder too if Ian has this idea as to how certain toys are to be played with. Like bowls and pans from his kitchen are for mixing, cooking and eating. Cai just wants to chew and mouth them. He's not going to harm the toy by doing this, but it's not the way you play with it. Or at least not to Ian. The last couple of days I feel like I'm constantly telling Ian three things. One: "If you don't want Cai to play with it, put it away where he can't get it." Two: "Ian don't take toys from Cai. He can play with that." Three: "Ian you need to either give that toy back or find one to give Cai instead." It's a mess. But hopefully Ian will realize sometime soon that there are things he can and needs to learn to share with his brother. Oh the joys of toddlers. And of mobile babies. :)

He's moving!!!

Cai has figured out how to move. At 6mo old not only can he scoot on his belly in a circle but he has figured out that if he rolls over several times in a row he can move closer to where he wants to go. It's not crawling, but it's still moving.It really started up yesterday. Ian was napping and I had Cai on the floor next to the computer on his play mat. When I turned to check on him he was over by the door, about 6 feet. I couldn't figure out how he got there. So to see if he would do it again I pulled him into the middle of the room. He kicked and scooted on his belly but didn't really move forward any. Then he laid his head on the floor. I thought maybe he was getting tired. But before I could pick him up he had rolled over two times. AHHH that's how he did it. Of course then he rolled into the wall and got very mad. So right now I'm caught between being amazed at this new development and frustrated at the idea that I can no longer safely put him down without checking around him first. ARGGGGG I was really hoping for the sitting in one place without moving very far very fast. Yeah that was a dream. Cai is slowing learning to sit up on his own. He can sit for up to 30 sec before falling over. It's improvement. And he does like trying to sit up. Allows him a new perspective, plus it's easier to manipulate toys in a sitting position. But the rolling has quickly become the favorite thing to do. So now I have to figure out how to provide safe floor space for Cai and this is already proving a challenge with a 2 1/2 year old running around. :)

Valentines

Today was Ian's first Valentine's party at storytime at the library. See we moved Ian from the toddler storytime to the preschool storytime. This has meant in addition to an extra story and more involved puppet show, crafts!!! It's been fun watching Ian get excited about it. And the more we're with the older kids the more I realize that he was ready for the switch. So anyway, one of the things the preschool storytime does is holiday parties. So last week the kids decorated envelopes for valentines, and this week we brought valentines for everyone. Plus us parents signed up to bring snacks and drinks. I didn't want to go out and just buy valentines. For one, I just didn't want to spend the money. Silly, I know. Two, since Ian can't write letters yet I couldn't even have him write his name. So basically I would be doing all the work myself and that just felt did not feel right. So instead we made some. I had Ian paint on colored construction paper and then I cut the paintings up into small cards. I then had him decorate each card with stickers and I wrote "Happy Valentine's Day from Ian". I added a chocolate kiss and they were done. :) I have to say for the little extra work they took it was fun. And I really felt like Ian got to help this way and thus they really are from him. He was so excited to go to storytime today. Of course he was not so sure about giving away his valentines. I had to once again explain that we made them to give to the other kids and that they in turn were going to give valentines to him. :) Anyway, it was a fun project and a fun storytime.

Brotherly Love

While putting Ian down for his nap today I was reminded how much my boys love each other. Now I must admit, while both boys have had their tantrums b/c Mom's paying attention to the other, I feel blessed in that so far my boys love being brothers. Today Cai woke up just before it was time for Ian's nap. So I laid both of them down on Ian's bed to read books. While I was reading, Cai would roll towards Ian and grab his face, arm, whatever he could reach. Now sometimes this drives Ian nuts, especially if Cai is reaching towards the book. Ian doesn't think Cai should chew on books, even board books which are meant to be chewed on. :) Part of it might be linked to the fact that his cousin accidentally riped a page in one of his books at Christmas when I was reading to the two of them. My guess is Ian just doesn't want Cai to ripe the pages. Anyway, today he didn't really mind Cai grabbing him. In fact when he rolled over to nurse (we still nurse at naptime and bedtime) he would constantly put his hand behind him to touch or hold Cai's hand. Very cute. At the same time very uncomfortable for me. Before I say goodnight to Ian at naptime or at night I say a little rhyme another mom told me about. It's an adaptation to "There was an Old Woman who lived in a shoe." Well today, before I could say it to Ian, Ian had to say it to Cai. Sometimes he'll have me say it to Cai or a stuffed animal before I can say it to him. But today he said it and did the hand movements. It goes "There was a wise mother who lived in a shoe. She had so many children she know exactly what to do (count fingers then curl them into a ball). She hugged them, and rocked them and tucked them in bed. (hug the hand, rock it and then place it on the chest) I love you I love you. Is what she said (rub head and then kiss them)" It was so cute to watch Ian say this rhyme to Cai. Another reminder of how lucky I am. And how lucky they are to share such a good bond, even if only for now. :)

The truth is, when I was pregnant with Cai I prepared myself for the worse. I prepared myself for jealousy battles from Ian. I prepared myself for screaming fits and tears from everyone. In reality most of that has not been true. From the moment Ian first met Cai he has shown him love and affection. While we have had those jealousy battles, they have been small in comparison to the battles over keeping Cai safe because Ian loves him and wants to show affections. I never imagined I would put my child in time-out because he was smothering his brother out of love. Ian loves to give Cai hugs and kisses. But sometimes he just doesn't understand how big he is and how fragile Cai still is. This has been especially true lately since Cai is now doing more and Ian see him as getting bigger. Which true. On the other hand, I'm having to remind Ian that even if Cai is bigger he is still even BIGGER than Cai. :) Oh the joys! The other thing that just took me off guard is the affection Cai has shown Ian, even from such a young age. Since at least Cai could smile, Cai has smiled, grabbed, laughed, and gazed at Ian with this look of "I love you. You're wonderful." It's really fun to see them interact. There have been times when Cai is so fussy and Ian will come up and Cai will smile at him or laugh for just a moment and then go back to being fussy. And yes, I have to say I'm alittle jealous. He doesn't do that very often with me. :( Oh well. It's just a reminder that they are their own person. And will always have a relationship with each other that I can never be a part of. I hope it continues to be a good one.