Friday, September 19, 2008

Reality strikes and strikes hard

When I was preparing for bring home Cai, I seriously thought the hardest adjustments would take place the first 4 to 6 weeks. Well 6 weeks have pasts and boy was I wrong. My expectation was that in the first weeks we would be up all night with a screaming baby and a toddler who was awake because of the baby. That Ian would be have some struggles with adjusting to limited attention from me. And finally that if I could survive the first month, it would all be easier after that. Cause surely after a month we would find some sense of normality. WRONG!

Reality One: The first weeks where a breeze. (or at least realitively speaking)
When we brought Cai home things when pretty smoothly. Ian seemed to love being "Big Brother" He showed off his toys. He wanted to hold "baby Cai." And with the exception of a few jealous moments here and there, Ian was great. In addtion to Ian's wonderful adjustment, Cai was a fairly easy baby to begin with. While the first night home was horrific. I ended up rocking him till 4 in the morning. It turned out that it was just because my milk was coming in and the change in texture and taste throw him off. The next night (as well as every night for the next couple of weeks) where so smooth. Cai only woke to nurse every 2 to 3 hours. Not bad for a newborn.

Reality Two: Six weeks have past. Things are not easier.
Unfortunely for me my easy baby has quickly turned into a high-needs baby. In the last several weeks Cai has become hard to console. Fussy time has moved from the predictable evening period to almost anytime he is awake. Quite wakeful periods have been reduced significantly. I've come to realize he is almost colicly. Although I hate to actually put that label on him. On top of all this I am not experencing my first case of thrush. Oh boy! Luckly, I have discovered it early enough and our nursing trio is being treated. My hope is that if I can get ride of the thrush that will help with the crying. Although I pretty sure gas is the other source of our problem.

The real delema this puts me in is trying to continue outings. I can't survive without getting out of the house at least 3 times a week. And I don't mean going out and playing in the backyard. I mean leaving the area of our house. Putting myself around people. Luckly two of these outings are already planned. Tuesdays we have music group, which is a group of stay-at-home parents from my church that get together weekly to sing and play. I love this group. I get to talk with other adults whom I enjoy and Ian gets peer interaction. I love it. On top of that I never have to feel guilty if Cai is fussing. In fact I have help. Our other weeking outing is to the library. Toddler storytime is Friday mornings. Ian loves this. His friend Zoe, who is only a few months older and from church, also goes. They get so excited to see each other, even though they usually have just seen each other at music group. Anyway, we love library time. Plus after we get books both for him and me (Today I got books on calming colic babies. We'll see if it helps) we go get a snack downtown. Usually it's a muffin or cinnamin roll to share and coffee for me. I so look forward to this outing too. The problem is that if Cai gets extra fussy, the type where I can't console him very well, I feel guilty. Like somehow I'm distrubing other people. It's mostly at the libary where I have the understanding that you are suppost to be quite. Even in the children's area that tends to be noiseir due to toddlers and other children running around, I feel guilty for having this crying/screaming baby. But like I said I'm not going to stop going. Just have to figure out how to know when to let my guilt go and when to just call my loses and take Cai home.

Yep reality is so much different that expectations. But in the end we can survive even this. :)

No comments: