Monday, September 20, 2010

Mama's big scare

Now my boys have scared me before. And expect then to continue to scare the living daylights out of me for the rest of there lives. But so far the scare seems small. Ian rolled off the changing table onto the carpeted covered cement floor. Cai rolled off the changing table onto the wood floor. Aiden attempted to dive face first down the stairs. Cai learned how to climb the jungle gym at 13mos. Aiden tried climbing up my bookcase a month ago(9mo old). Ian and/or Cai slipped out of sight at the grocery store/department store/thrift store. But today seemed to top them all. And I'm still feeling the adrenaline rush 2 1/2 hours later. Today after dropping Ian off at Preschool we went grocery shopping. It needed to be done. We were out of everything: bread, milk, cheese, etc. When we got back to the house it was around a quarter till 11. We need to be leaving our house about a quarter after 11 in order to pick up Ian by 11:30. Aiden had fallen asleep, so I thought I would just leave him in the van while I unloaded. After unloading the groceries, I still had time to kill. So I left Aiden in the van with the side doors open. We have an attached garage so I thought nothing of this, just kept the back door open so I could hear. I than when into the living room to check my email. Cai was in the the dining room, which is between the living room and kitchen. The kitchen is then attached to a small laundry room that leads out to the garage. Suddenly I notice that I'm not hearing Cai. I get to to check and find him missing from his earlier post on the dining room floor. So I start heading to the garage know that he probably when out there to check on Aiden. He is very protective of his brother. But when I get out there I can't find him. I had expected to see him in the back of van playing or peering over his brother's car seat. But all I see is is blanket. So I start calling out his name looking around the garage. And then continue back into the house calling his name. Now we live on a busy street, Main street to be exact, and it's a truck route. I'm constantly worried about the boys and the traffic. But for the most part when I call they respond and I only have a couple of seconds to worry. Today I got no response to my calls. And as I franticly start looking for Cai and begin to panic. Where did he go? Why is he not responding? And please, please let him NOT go out into the street. I must admit this is the most panic I've been about any of the boys. And as I rushed around searching for him I couldn't figure out what the next step was. What do I do if I don't find him? Luckily just as I'm about to call Mark, Cai come toddling around the van, blanket in hand. I sweep him up, rocking back and forth on my knees thanking God that he is alright. And I'm repeating to him "You scared Mama. Cai scared Mama. Where were you Cai?" At first I can tell Cai thought this was all a game. He is sorta laughing/crying in my arms. And I'm still not sure how to explain to him why his actions where so wrong. Come to find out he was hiding in the front seat of the van. I think he was playing hide-and-go-seek just like he does with Ian. How do I explain to a two year old the when it is ok to hide for a game and when it is not. Mostly how do I convince my heart to settle down. That now he is safe how do I convince myself not to lock all us inside the house. Just leaving him downstairs with Ian while I put Aiden down for nap was difficult. So today I'm thanking God that my baby is safe. He was here the whole time. And I'm asking for strength for the future. Cause something tells me that this will not be the last of my big scares. I just hope and pray that with each scare the boys put me through they come out safe, happy and healthy.

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